Toys R Us by Gerry Visco

It’s been said that it would take an open bar to get me into one of those slick new health clubs, and that was no freakin’ joke.
It wasn’t just the V&Ts that brought me to David Barton’s new Astor Place gym, it was the health honcho’s eighth annual Toy Drive, which collects thousands of toys for needy kids.
Guests were welcomed by co-hosts including Barton and his wife, party diva Susanne Bartsch, fashion designers Marc Jacobs and Narciso Rodriguez, hotelier Ian Schrager, photographer Patrick Mc- Mullan and chef Art Smith. I never saw actress Susan Sarandon, one of the listed hosts, but she was no doubt busy, due to her recent break up with Tim Robbins.
Glittering guests included Olympic medalist Jason Rogers, hair stylist Stephen Knoll and plastic fantastic Amanda Lepore, who was gracious and ready to pose in her see-through black number. Scattered among the treadmills and Stairmasters were performance artists decked out in toy-like costumes. Lavinia Co-op wore an outfit made entirely of toys, Sequinette was a lush Christmas tree, Muffinhead was a snowflake clown and Vanity Society was colored in Crayola hues. Sugarplums were dancing in my head—or was it the nutcracker dancers onstage: Bartsch with a big candy apple stuck on her head, Richie Rich, Dirty Martini and Julie Atlas Muz.
“Look at Gerry Visco, she’s drunk,” sniggered hunky club kid Kyle Brincefield. How dare he! I’d only had one drink since I spilled the first one. No doubt I seemed hazy due to the sparkles in the air and the toy-laden elves scampering about. This was the kind of workout I could get used to.