Saturday, January 21, 2012
Single Guys Guide To Dating in 2012: Part 1
If you have decided to start dating again in this new year, here's a little guide of sorts to avoid any surprises.
Italian guys make great lovers, be sure to find one over 30 or you will be waking up on any given morning at his mother's house. Be sure to compliment her 'gravy' and you are in . He will feed you, romance you and go insane with jealousy if you look at anyone else. The plus is that he will most likely sport a big package and will be versatile according to your desires. Wax his back on a weekly basis and he will massage you to sleep at night.
Jewish Guys will treat you with respect and dignity but soon into the relationship you will be a glorified roomates. His work ethic and drive will destroy your social life and you will find yourself home making kreplach before sundown on Friday nights. He will not try to compensate for his small package and wont expect you to swallow. Just know, anything other that missionary position is out of the question. The plus is you will have some really nice jewelry.
Latino Guys will give you a run for your emotional stability. Loco sexcapades and assortment of positions, followed by family involvement in all your affairs and late nights of eating and dancing can wear you down if you you don't have the stamina. Expect financial instability and waves of extravagance followed by putting him and all his cousins on your phone plan. The plus is you will be sexually satisfied, the con is you'll be sexually exhausted.
Asian Guys can be like lesbians, they will want to marry you and move in on the first date. They expect you to be a more culturally diverse American and aware of world events, art, culture and literature. Expect to meet the parents (if they are in this country) and don't comment on the packed living situations. The small package situation works well if you are a total top because he will never jockey for position, his lean frame and flexibility allows him to throw his ankles to God at any given minute. The plus is he will trust in every word you say and treat you like the virgin you think you are.
-Chinese Guys: Versatile, larger package
-Thai Guys: Power bottom, great oral skills
-Korean Guys- Flip Flop
-Vietnamese Guys- Power Bottom
-Japanese Guys- Get your freak on
Straight Boyz are a rare breed and exist more in fantasy than reality but for the few that are out there are delicious. They taste like Ivory soap, screw like they are on speed and keep the relationship as non complicated as possible. Be sure you are ready to have a friend more than a boyfriend and don't expect mushy Valentine's day cards or something meaningful for your birthday. The plus is the 'cool' factor just be prepared to acquire a taste for beer bong, fart jokes and cheesy movies.
daily dose of walt cessna